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For Celta Camille Head
They said you were an angry woman -
but where was your anger at me?
Could you be so angry at the whole world
but not at me?
Not ever?
(we had only a year)
I guess that has something to do
with love - our love.
I kept waiting for that anger
to turn on me,
for me to do
something
to provoke anger -
yet I only seemed to see
your smiles at me.
That's where the love was.
And what about the
"I love you"'s
we exchanged -
I never heard those words
so many times -
I never felt so inspired
to say that -
to say "I love you"
so much
up until then.
That's where the love was.
Or maybe it was in certain
snapshot memories...
the time we sat in the park,
I was sharing a story from my past,
a not so fascinating story,
and looking up,
I noticed your eyes
captivated, hypnotized,
transfixed upon me.
I still remember this
decades later...
and that time on the swing
I was gently pushing you
our eyes transfixed
upon one another
the sun in your brown hair
you were frozen there...
I remember
decades later.
That's where the love was
Or is.
Finally, it was in all the tears
I shed after I heard you died,
I never cried before that.
Actually, the love,
it's in the memories
and the knowledge
that you are always a part
of me
and I a part of you,
and there is comfort in that.
I guess love isn't
just a place long ago.
-----------------------
This was written about Celta Camille Head who I knew for only one year in 1990, some 30 years ago and I revised it, again, today.
I was able to fall in love again. That is important to know. Writing about the past and what we once felt is a way to remind ourselves of who we are now and what we can find in the future.