Chapter 2: Going to College 

As I packed my bags for college, the weight of leaving everything familiar behind weighed heavily on me. I felt a sense of dread in my chest as I thought about leaving behind the only family I truly connected with - my aunt and cousins. But what choice did I have? My high school offered no guidance or insight into potential careers, leaving me to blindly choose my path.

The idea of engineering seemed like a safe choice, but deep down I had no idea what it truly entailed. Yet, when acceptance letters from prestigious engineering programs arrived in the mail, I got the impression from my father that Georgia Tech was the most renowned among them all. UConn had an engineering program but I got the impression probably from my father, an engineer, that it was insignificant in comparison.

Perhaps, part of me believed that I could earn their respect and pride.

My parents always preached about the impact of every decision, but little could anyone know just how transformative my life at Georgia Tech would be.

As my parents drove away from Georgia Tech in Atlanta, Georgia, leaving me behind in the unfamiliar campus, I realized that I felt free from their presence - both physically and emotionally. My parents had been indifferent, limiting contact, but what little contact I had made me always want to get away.

Feeling lost and lonely during orientation, I immediately sought help at the Counseling and Career Planning Center. I was afraid of being labeled as an outsider with nothing to say to anyone. In high school, I was a ghost due to my introversion and lack of friends. But now, I was determined to change that.

However, it took enormous courage for me to make that first step towards counseling. I didn’t believe I deserved or needed help - a belief instilled in me by my family who constantly shamed and scapegoated me. The counselor gave me the MMPI test to assess my mental health and it revealed a distorted result due to my upbringing.

I had always been made to feel like there was something wrong with me, so if the test showed no abnormalities, I would have dismissed my own struggles as insignificant compared to those with "real" problems seeking help and I projected my own beliefs onto this psychologist that I was just getting to know.

I moved from one engineering program to another as I learned more about each of the different engineering majors and then landed in electrical engineering, with a specialization in computer engineering and a minor in psychology.

While I did remain in counseling with the same psychologist for the full five years, it didn’t take long before I noticed radical changes in my ability to communicate, connect with others, make friends.

I had joined a fraternity thinking that this would help me fit in with a group and create opportunities to make friends - connections.

Nearly a year and a half into my program at Georgia Tech, I was walking with David, deep in conversation with a friend who lived in the room across from mine. We talked about our future goals and aspirations, and he revealed a hidden desire to work in restaurant management. Though he had been told that an engineering degree from Georgia Tech was more prestigious, his heart longed for something else.

As we continued to talk, I suddenly had an epiphany dawning on me like a beam of light. In a moment of clarity, I asked him a simple yet profound question: "Do you truly want to do engineering for the rest of your life?" It was the first time I had actively thought about choosing a career based on personal passion and fulfillment rather than societal expectations or financial stability.

Through this conversation, I came to realize that our professions and occupations didn't have to be just a means to an end. They could bring us joy and fulfillment on their own. My friend's response showed me that he wasn't truly happy with his career in engineering. He made the courageous choice to leave Georgia Tech and chase his dream of managing restaurants. This experience taught me that it's possible to be in the "wrong" job or career if it doesn't bring you satisfaction and purpose in your daily work life.

Halfway through my engineering program, after having come a very long way in developing social skills, learning to communicate, building self-esteem, and in overcoming my social anxiety, I told my psychologist/counselor (I would have that same psychologist for the entire five years at the University), that I didn’t think I was in the right field.

Growing up, my father had told me that childhood was the best time of our lives because we had none of the stressors he faced. So, I had no idea that one could enjoy what one was learning and what one would do in their career. Why had this never occurred to me that the actual activities that people do on their job could be enjoyable and could be matched to our interests.

So, my counselor gave me a career interest inventory. This matches one’s interests with those in various fields. This considers how one might enjoy spending their time, the activities that we find or might find interesting.

I scored highest with careers in two themed areas: first Social careers, and the second highest theme area based on my scores was Creative. Engineering, I noticed was grouped in “Realistic” themed careers, which made sense. The “design” aspect of engineering was not reflected in the actual tasks of an engineer.

The experience of therapy while attending university was both transformative and eye-opening for me. The psychology courses I took only deepened my fascination with the human mind and behavior. I was amazed at how much understanding psychology had provided during my sessions with my psychologist, and I felt a strong desire to use this knowledge and my empathetic nature to assist others.

My passion for social work went beyond just the academic aspect. It aligned perfectly with my personal values and desire to help those in need. Growing up in Atlanta, I couldn't ignore the poverty and homelessness that plagued our city, and I saw social workers as the ones making real change in these communities. It was more than just a career choice, it was my calling.

But I was already deep into my studies and changing my major or transferring schools seemed impossible. My parents were funding my education and switching to an English degree, while enticing for my love of creativity, would extend the time and cost of my education which my parents did not support. Plus, I knew a Master's in Social Work could be pursued with any undergraduate degree. I felt torn between following my heart and sticking with what was practical.

The improvements I made were massive. I was becoming an extrovert in many ways. Yet I hadn’t been able to find a girlfriend, just like everyone else seemed to effortlessly do. But instead, I had only been on two ambiguous dates with young women, unsure if they were even “dates.”

The most profound transformation I experienced at Georgia Tech was not through engineering or academic success. It was clawing my way out of paralyzing social anxiety and building essential social skills. Though some may argue I still suffered from selective mutism, unable to speak in large groups like classrooms, and I only had two “dates” - if that is what they were. This perpetuated the notion that everyone had someone more important in their lives than I was.

The lingering feeling of inadequacy haunted me and made me feel that I would never be good enough - good enough to be the first choice for someone. I still felt like it was true what my parents had said about my cousins, that they had their own lives - lives that were more important than what I could offer.

I also discovered a profound capacity for empathy. I would have to learn to control that. During the last year that my best friend was at Georgia Tech (a friend that graduated before I did) he had mononucleosis (aka mono). Towards the end of the quarter, I started developing the symptoms of mono. I was certain of this and just laid down to sleep on the couch in our room. I woke up a few hours later and I was symptom free.

I had developed an empathic reaction and taken on the symptoms that my friend had been experiencing throughout the quarter.

I didn’t have a job upon graduation, and I thought it was understood that I was going to go to graduate school for social work. My father had said that he understood that engineering was not a good match for me. I imagined that he would have understood that it would be very unlikely that I would get a job as an engineer upon graduation but their support in paying for my undergraduate education was helpful.

I didn’t expect my parents to pay for graduate school but they had a large home with a free room upstairs, and I didn’t eat too much. I somehow had not fully appreciated how toxic my family was.